Another week has disappeared - where did February go?

Another week has passed in a bleary daze. It always seems to take a while for me to manifest good sleep after I've set my mind to it. I have had a few good nights sleep since my last post, but unfortunately not yet in a row.

That's okay, it'll happen.

Today my little girl has had a friend from school stay over. They had such a lovely time until bath time when it hit home to Miss P that her mum wasn't going to be here tonight. She was pretty sad. She cried through dinner and afterwards I read the girls a book and put a guided meditation for kids (filled with fairies and mermaids) for them to listen to. Tears fell again so I lay with her, gave her Reiki for 10 - 15 minutes (I didn't want to give her more as she hasn't had Reiki before and would have needed a full three treatments then as it would have started her healing) - but it was just enough to calm her. I stayed with her until she was asleep and finally left to see that everyone had fallen asleep. Even hubbie. I shooed him off to bed and for the first time in I really don't know how long he actually had an early night. Oh he SO needed it. I thank the universe for that wonderful thing. He runs himself ragged and refuses to calm down. His turbo button is well and truly stuck on.

Ahhh, it's a busy life.

All is good.

Sleep - is it really THAT important??

So for quite a while now I have wondered just how much of my health issues are due to lack of sleep.

They only started once I had kids, which was the first time in my life that I've been sleep deprived... a cooincidence?

Well it certainly is becoming more and more reinforced that this may indeed be the case.

At the moment I'm again sleep deprived due to not my children, FINALLY they are both sleeping through the night (oh and how THANKFUL to the universe am I for that wonderful, wonderful thing?!!!! VERY).

I am sleep-deprived due to my neighbour, who I'm almost postive is bipolar. I'm not mad at her. Bless them both for dealing with such a HUGE thing. But, it is a difficult thing to live with. And once again it is not the first time I have attracted a bipolar person into my world - it seems I'm surrounded by them.

Anyway, she's at the manic part of her cycle atm which means LOTS of chatting, chatting, chatting - high paced and high volume til very,very late at night. Silly me threw my old pair of ear plugs out last week and hadn't replaced them.

Tonight I am armed, so I'm up for a GOOD, no, a GREAT night's sleep tonight.

Today I have been 'off'. That is a very optimistic view of the hell I have been through today. It has been a very good way of reinforcing just how BAD I feel when I'm short on sleep.

So I'll take that contrast, go on my merry way and continue to focus on sleeping well, soundly and for the optimum amount of time for me.

All is good in my world. Today perhaps not so, but I have learned and for that I am thankful.

Rising above

Today was good. Challenging, but good.

My little man managed to find something to react to this morning. Not sure WHERE he got it from, but I'm theorising that he got a scrap of a previous cereal which may have contained a preservative as he'd reached the bottow of the barrel this morning. Holy smokes it was a full on reaction. All day he was NUTS - bouncing off everything, damaging things, unable to concentrate or stay still. He had his swimming lesson at 3pm and the dunk in the water wore him out just enough for him to pass out sitting up on the couch when he got home. When he awoke he was slightly calmer and the rest of the evening was fine.

Although it was a difficult day, I was aware of what was happening to him and why he was that way and I managed to *mostly* keep my cool. As a result it doesn't feel as if I've had a difficult day. I didn't have my energy zapped from me - I'm left feeling fine. Perhaps even a little excited and pleased at my ability to stay calm within the storm. YAY!!!! I succeeded!!!

One small step for Deb kind :-)

I made an amber necklace for myself and each of the kids today. We've all still got them on - heal and restore Amber - do your thing!!!

Meditation music is going now. I've just had a warm bath and I'm zoning myself down to a good long nights sleep.

I have come to the conclusion that I DO need a lot of sleep - 8 or 9 hours to feel 'human' - so I'm going to give myself a good week of sleep and reassess how I'm doing after that. I'm doing this little thing to look after myself. I finally want to do it. For the first time in a long time I've been happily taking my iodine and my liver herbs and now I'm going to add sleep to the list too.

Perhaps, just perhaps, I'll be able to replace my morning coffee with a soothing green tea and then I'll know that once again I'm in tune.

Emptying the trash

I really have been up and down all over the place lately.

Saturday the kids and I took off (in the rain) to explore the city via buses. We had a great day - saw the museum, art gallery, south bank... we picnicked, explored the markets. It was such a lovely day.

Then yesterday - yikes. I guess I wore the kids out the day before, so they (especially Miss J) were cranky, teary... Lots of bad behaviour.

In the arvo JB and I gave up and went and hired a movie to lift our spirits - the peaceful warrior. Lift my spirits it did, so I took off with the dog for a lovely walk through the bush. I walked to the top of the Quarry, looking at the beautiful vista, enjoying the lovely sky show that was being put on by the setting sun. It was a lovely walk.

I ended up going to bed too late for me and then JB kept me awake for a further hour banging about the kitchen. *sigh*.

So, today, I'm aching all over, heavy, heavy, heavy and the egg on my head where Master M threw and successfully landed a water pistol just before bed last night is throbbing.

Contrast I get, but why so rapidly changing?

I did have some moments of clarity yesterday which were great. I felt if I can keep my spirits up, lifting them with things like a daily bushwalk, then I will be able to clear my head of this horrible fog and stop the vertigo attacks. I also need to 'empty the trash' like it said in the peaceful warrior. I need to forget the past, let it go and live in the moment, as this is the only moment there is.

I do live too much in the past, I do have a head that is swimming with thoughts. With more meditation and consciously living in the now I believe I can become clearer.

That's my new goal.

Live for now.

Which way do I step?

I've had a 'weird' few days.

Obviously I needed to take a pause to gather myself. I'm not stagnant, but pausing and unsure which way to tread.

I have LOTS to do, but am not able to gather myself together enough to do any of it - and much of it I'm unsure of exactly what to do.

Having completed my study, but not the pracs, has taken away a feeling of following my purpose. It has given me some time to focus some much needed energy toward our business, but having stopped the other direction has left me feeling at a loss. I guess this is letting me know how important my counselling is. Without it I feel nothing. Lost. Not nice. Urgh.

Perhaps I need to have a business meeting with my husband to work out a plan of attack to organise exactly how we move forward. I need to allocate some time to our business, some to getting our office built and some to finishing off my counselling and getting my counselling room completed so that I can begin to counsel.

Without it I'm lost, purposeless and it doesn't feel nice.

Wobbly waters

I've had an interesting time lately. Calm, peaceful and happy with a few big granades thrown at me to see how I cope...

Mostly I have done well. I am aiming for calm waters even amongsth the storm. I lost my footing for a day there, but gained it again and I'm all good again now.

I have realised my support network has improved and this has been my saviour. Although I aim to be able to cope alone no matter what, it is so much easier with help from loving family and friends...

Yesterday I had a big shift. An issue came and passed of which I wasn't consciously aware. I just felt the physical manifestations throughout the day.

I also have reconnected with a primary school friend who has also been on a strong spiritual path. His birthday is near mine and we share many similaries in thought. It has been invigorating having a strong spiritual connection again - someone to discuss the workings of my mind, even though our chats at this stage have been brief.

It is nice to feel connected, to feel the workings of the universe. I am feeling very open and exposed at the moment. Feeling so much. I'm trying not to think of situations as being either good or bad, just that they are. I'm feeling, noticing and moving through situations and going with the flow, avoiding judgement or trying to block or resist it in any way.

Mostly it is working well.

Today I enjoyed a good jump on the trampoline with my son to ground after such a spiritual 'in my head' week. It was good. I think we might head into the bush now for a picnic. The weather is ominous and squally but that is when I feel so alive. Energies are obvious and palpable. Reminds me well and truly that I am alive and that all is well.

Bringing in the sunshine and all things yellow...

I have been feeling pretty blue of late. I have done a bit of meditating and journalling, trying to find out why. I still have poor health and I want to be well.

Almost all of my health problems can be stemmed from a poorly functioning liver. The solar plexus. Every naturopath, TCM practisioner, kinesiologist, doctor I've been to has said something about my liver not functioning very well. My liver enzymes were raised after both of my pregnancies. My acupuncturist said to me that it has something to do with my Dad, and that there is something within my liver that I need to deal with - it's all black and angry.

I've meditated, I've fasted, I've had so many different therapies... nothing seems to 'fix' it... If anything it's just getting worse, with new symptoms appearing.

So in again I went the other day. This time I got a strong sense of the pain I was feeling in my liver region. I entered this pain and felt sad, ashamed and angry at myself for failing to live up to my own expectations - those expectations that I developed from my Father's overly high expectations.

I worked for years toward an occupation and was successful. Everyone was so proud, including myself. Then working in the occupation it proved to be highly stressful and not at all a balanced career for me. After years of fighting, trying to be happy with the choice I made, I realised I couldn't and left the profession. Even thinking of that now I get a strong pain in the liver region. The stress of that decision... I went back after four years and did a days work again and boy! did the universe throw me one heck of a day that day. Definitely wasn't a good idea, but I was glad they let me know so strongly.

Since then I've flitted and floated and not really achieved much. I have, however, been studying counselling and am due to finish that now. I've just got two pracs to go and I'm done.

I've realised that my personal power is low. I've been 'supported' by my husband for the past six years and it's killing me because my feeling of self support, self power is low. It hurts that I am almost 34 and as poor as a church mouse. I know logically that there's no problem with that - SO many people are that way, it's nothing unusual - but this is ME! Those overly high expectations are still there and you know what? They're never going to be happy with this level.

So, I have decided it's some time for action.

Today, I picked myself up and started moving forward again. I rang and asked about booking my prac exam. I've asked for the info on it to be sent to me.

I've written some goals for the next few months. I've bought and started taking some liver herbs again (I do do a lot better when taking them) to support my liver through this time. I have made myself an amber necklace to support my liver and solar plexus chakra. I have been giving myself Reiki. I have booked my level II Reiki. I have been drinking more water. I am going to ring a dietician to determine the ultimate diet to support my body through this.

By taking charge of my personal power by doing things for myself, challenging myself and taking steps to again make myself feel proud of me, hopefully I'll get on top of my liver issues and I'll once again be healthy.

Photo of the five kids

This is my two with the three kids over the back all having a bath last Sunday. I just had to take a photo to prove you CAN get five kids into our bath LOL.

A day of contrast

Yesterday was 'interesting'. In the morning I had all five kids and none of them were getting along. Bad day, bad vibes, just yuk.

Then at 3pm I made them all have a rest and they recovered themselves and the rest of the afternoon and night was wonderful!! A perfect day.

What an interesting contrast!!

Now hubby is out picking up (digging out, actually) our new spa!! I'm doing the best I can to imagine and get all excited about it, imagining it coming out easily, intact, then our excitement this arvo as we put it in place and start to work out what we need to do to get it going!!! I'm so excited. It's an 8 seater outdoor spa with two laydown beds in it. Can't wait. Can't WAIT!!!