Just a quick footnote for the day

It's been a good day. Another day to remind me exactly what life is like with my son on food he doesn't react to and what he's like with food he does react to. I had such a lovely morning with him. We talked, we played (HOW fun are bubbles?!!!! Why are they so deliciously fun?!!!)... it was a great morning. Then at 12.30 I tried him on a gluten-free cracker and he reacted to it. Badly. There goes the rest of the day. Well, at least I know now. Nothing from a packet. Except hommus and gluten-free bread. Otherwise no packet stuff *sigh*.

We went shopping tonight for goodies Master M's party on Sunday. He's going to have an absolute ball! The kids were both reacting to something or other - I think Master M was still bouncing from the cracker. Miss J appeared to bounce after she had sushi with seafood sticks in it. I thought about it afterwards and it has red food colouring in it. So picture both kids running absolute amuck all over the shops, pulling things off shelves, bouncing up and down the aisles like frogs, calling out at the tops of their lungs, giggling their heads off or arguing and cranking with one another (again, all at the top of their lungs). I have to say I'm a bit stuffed after that.

I bought a journal with butterflies all over the cover today and I'm going to use it as my journal of positive aspects. Each day I plan to write a page on one topic, writing about all of the things I like about that person/thing. So off I go now.

Good night!

Self inflicted pain and all good things

Well last night I went out to a friends place for dinner and had a great time. It was to Jenn's Godfather's place - a place we used to visit ALL of the time and over the past couple of years have really not had much of a chance to catch up due to both of our very busy schedules. He and his new partner Scott were there as well as his flatmate and his partner. We had a ball, the food is ALWAYS good there and of course much too much wine was consumed. Different colours, different flavours and my head is throbbing this morning *grin*. Tis been a while since I've had a hangover :-)

Today I've finished all but one question on my final counselling diploma assignment. The last question will take a bit of time and designing, so I'm opting to leave it to Friday morning when I've had a bit more sleep, and spend the rest of the day on ME!!! Yep, for me. I'm going to listen to my Teaching of Abraham Master course (well, some of it - I've got 10 hours of listening) and put some washing away at the same time. I'm excited. This morning I was thinking about the type of counselling I'll be doing, including how I can incorporate Abraham's work into my work. I was conveying it to JB and got REALLY excited about it - I was definitely in the vortex and it was nice to feel some confidence on how I will be practising. It's all good and I'm looking forward to it.

Now for the master course...

Quick thought analysis

Okay, so after an hour and a half this morning I have realised that my vibrational level does NOT sit in the positive area that I thought it did. It is sitting around the area of frustration on the emotional scale. I watched my thoughts non-judgmentally this morning and have easily seen that I am frustrated and push against almost everything my children do. Especially Matt. He wants to do everything, even if it involves climbing up bookshelves etc and I spend most of my day frustrated and pushing against what he wants (even if it is for his safety). I've GOT to stop doing that and allow myself to move through the days without being drawn out of my vortex and into his. I guess by not allowing him to do things I'm pulling both of us away from source. Now the trick is how the heck do I do that??? How do I allow a two year old to do all they want without having him hurt himself or having the place turn into total chaos??

I am babysitting two kids again this morning, so when they leave I'll pull out my copy of 'Ask and it is given' and see if I can see a process that suits.

The Art of Allowing

Today was awesome. My very good friend Mandi and I went to an Abraham-Hicks seminar down the coast and it was as good as I thought it would be. Seeing Esther and Jerry was amazing. Seriously amazing.

Thinking through what was covered while in such a high vibrational atmosphere, I got a chance to think about my life as it stands. Clearly I have health issues. Which as Abraham pointed out is ridiculous, as it just means I'm not connected to source as I'm thinking negative thoughts. Now, I've had some issues my entire life (headaches, menstrual probs), which is not that surprising as my Dad is THE biggest worry wart in the world. He'd have to at least be equal anyway LOL. So I guess I was taught to worry from an expert. Then as I aged I met JP who introduced me to life without worry, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Most of my health issues, however, began after having kids. Now I have mentioned my kids here before. They are certainly my biggest challenge. I have always considered myself an optimist but I seriously do struggle being around kids so much as I don't have a chance to just 'be' without constantly be asked questions, to wait on them and intercept fights, settle disagreements, defend myself against barrages of all kinds... this has especially been tough in the past three years as JB works 7 days a week mostly so I have no back up and anyone to look after them while I have some 'me' time. I do have them in kindy now, but only while I'm working or studying, so I'm afraid it really hasn't been enough to cover the stress I feel under from always being on the go. I used to meditate at night, but lately fall into bed exhausted and haven't had the energy to do so.

SO... I guess what I realised today is that my negativity and crankiness with the kids is stopping me from connecting with source and keeping me sick, so it's GOT to stop, for all of our sake.

So, my task is to reconnect myself to source and to feel good again to allow well-being into my life.

The first thing I need to do is throughout the day stop to appreciate my kids. See them from a higher perspective and stop to see them as the perfect little beings that they are. They're only being rascals as a way of trying to keep themself connected to source, not to purposely hurt me or anything.

I also need to take time out for me. Stop, sit, meditate. Walk in the bush without the kids. I need to schedule this time with hubbie and write it up or it isn't going to happen.

And I need to appreciate all that is in my life in general (not just the kids).

My mission this week is to do all of these three things and see how I feel.

Now, I'm going to take panadol and head for bed. I was too excited to sleep last night so I have a serious sleep deprivation headache right now.

Night.

Well another day is done and here I am sitting out on my front deck, enjoying the peace and the sound and gorgeous smell of falling rain. Ahhhh. My senses are being soothed...

It's been a good day. Today has been like any other day. It was my study day, hubby has gone on a road trip for work so I helped stack the van and get him ready to go, I had five children playing in the backyard this arvo... apart from hubbie going away not a whole lot was different. No extra special tasks and conversely my workload wasn't any lighter than it usually is. BUT I don't feel exhausted. I feel better. I feel... happier. And you know what the difference is? My boy was EASIER!!! Yes, the kids still did a whole lot of fighting and yes, he still mucked up at times and went into time out a few times, but MAN what a difference. Most of the time he was calm and attentive. He played calmly by himself tonight. And best of all, he went to bed with only a couple of minutes of fuss. Oh my, what a difference changing his diet is doing. I'm amazed. I'm stoked. We even had pudding tonight - golden syrup pudding, which previously I would have thought would have sent him troppo, but seeing as it's food chemicals that is doing it, not sugar,he was perfectly FINE after it. Calm as calm can be. WOW!!! I'm now starting to become interested in finding out what taking the chemicals out of MY diet is going to do. Reading a bit of Sue Dengate's book last night, I discovered that people with Meniere's disease have found improvement with cutting out salicylates and amines. I have had health issues - headaches, menstrual problems, liver problems, thyroid issues, meniere's disease - you know, whole body problems - my entire life - could this actually be the cause??!!!! I had a clairvoyant tell me four years ago that I had a lot of food intolerances... perhaps this is it?!! Well I've decided to do the full elimination diet with Master M and Miss J too. I can trace signs of food intolerance through my family tree, so it makes sense to me that at the very worst it's going to make some improvement - at the very best it may change my world. For someone who's had a headache most days of her life, this is big. HUGE. IF it works, but you know, this feels right, like I'm onto something big here. I can't wait to see the response in myself. Tonight I cooked some chicken to slice for lunches/sandwiches. I also made some pear sauce (to use instead of tomato sauce). Might have to do that one again - I followed the recipe and it's way too salty. Might taste nice on meat though. It was pretty easy though, so I can definitely handle doing that. I also need to make some pear jam. And tomorrow - pear muffins and GF slice. I need to make enough to feed the kids fully on Sunday as they'll be going to the neighbours all day while I'm at the Hicks seminar.

I wonder if my hubby has arrived at Grafton yet? I miss him already... I do love my husband a lot. He has a wonderful heart and I love that. I'm going to miss snuggling up to him tonight. The kids were pretty upset with him going. They love him too. We had a good night though and they were okay. Let's see how they go through the weekend, especially on Sunday when Mummy isn't here either. Luckily they'll be having so much fun playing with their friends and going to a Christmas party that they probably won't even notice I'm not there.

Well I'm off to have a shower and snuggle into bed. Night!

A day of retail fun (?)

The last fifteen minutes while I cleaned my face and my teeth and did all the getting ready for bed type stuff, I was thinking about what I was going to write in here and what was the general theme of my day. To be honest I had another hectic, unenjoyable, rushed/fuzzy kind of a day. It's felt like things are coming to a head, like I may be coming to a new stage of understanding or clarity, but I just can't see or understand just yet.

I spent another day in retail hell with another friend. It seems that the older I get the more I seem to detest shopping. I'm not sure if it's me not liking shopping or if I'm merely reacting to having a little boy who bounces off walls, making it at best rushed and difficult and at the worst - well, like today really, just downright painful. I see the Christmas crowds have arrived, but you know, that wasn't the problem. Master M was bouncing off walls, reacting to the organic corn chips I gave him and taking it out on my friends kids *sigh*. I spent a good deal of time with the large majority of the retail customers staring at me. And funnily enough instead of being embarrassed by that, I was looking back at them, wondering what they were thinking. Funnily enough people, like me, seemed to be in a dulled daze and didn't really seem to have an opinion about this child screaming and yelling, crying and needing to be restrained from hurting people - they just all seemed to be just looking, more because there was a sound there and that was better than looking at, well, nothing. Bizarre. Is everyone so stressed that they're unable to feel the joy of Christmas? Or even feel something? Maybe it was the time of day? Who knows.

I must admit, the hardest part of raising children for me is often keeping them in line so we are accepted by society. People seem to think that kids *should* act in a certain way - be nice and quiet and all that boring stuff, instead of just being. I think maybe that is why I don't like to go to the shops so much, because my babies are hampered there, they can't be themselves. Usually when I go, I let Master M just be and I walk and he runs around me in a 100m radius or so, looking at this and that and following my call as I round a corner, trailing off and in front of me again. That's joyous to me. Hectic but joyous. Stopping for any length of time to actually browse or anything like that is NOT fun, because then little fingers and fine, expensive things for sale come into contact and then expectations come into play and the 'no' word raises its ugly head time and time again. "No, don't touch." I hate that. I hated hearing it as a kid and I hate hearing myself say it even more than I hated it then. Such a horrible hampering saying, even if it IS necessary at times. So, basically I'd just prefer to avoid it all, so that they can have fun. I think that's why I love my bush. There they can run, be free, explore, touch, kick, throw - all those lovely tactile childhood REAL experiences.

Ahh - maybe that's just it. Maybe I need to ground. Maybe we all do. My dear darling children and I are all a bit hyped up atm and all very cranky, tired and not sleeping too well - perhaps we just need a good outing into the bush. Okay, Saturday agenda - DONE!! As well as make muffins, slices and roast some chicken for sandwiches for the new diet so my Dad has something to feed the kids on Sunday when my good friend Mandi and I go to the Hicks-Abraham seminar (OH how excited I am about that!!!).

Oh, how I want a day to just 'be'. The only thing I DON'T like about this time of year is just how little free time I have. I so love my time alone.

It will be here soon enough.

And now, it's time to sleep.

Night all!

Tis the season to be jolly

Wow. It's certainly the busy time of the year. Christmas lights, Christmas drinks, Christmas busyness...

I'm still working out what my son is reacting to food wise. Heck, have I even mentioned this in my blog? I've been so flat out with everything I've been falling into bed at night exhausted without having any energy to type, so perhaps not. Well, a friend pointed out that my son is reacting to food (her son does too) and in hindsight it is incredibly obvious that he is. I am finding many things to which he is reacting and I've basically come to the conclusion now that he's going to have to go on a full elimination diet so that I can work out exactly what he can and can't have. He's reacting to all of the obvious numbers - the 200's, the 600's etc - as well as natural food chemicals, such as in bananas (amines)... I reacted to bananas as a kid, so I can't say I was surprised by that one. I've been doing my best to cut his load and tonight for the first time in a long time he only took 15 minutes to get to sleep (previously it's been over an hour, usually close to 2 hours each night - which I can tell you has made me one tired and cranky mumma!). What a relief. He was such a joyous, helpful little boy tonight. It warmed my heart to see him back to his 'old' self again. He was such a joyous little boy and his behaviour has been slowly deteriorating over the past year. It's been breaking my heart, to be honest. I know he's a sweet little thing, but to see him reacting to food and showing aggression is so heart wrenching for me. Now to know I can do something to help him feel better is SUCH a relief. Sure it'll take some work, but it'll be so worth it. Tonight he ate up really well. I think he wants to feel better too.

Otherwise all is well. I got back into my last unit of study today and got quite a bit done, which was great. I have been distracted lately with a new love of jewellery making, but I HAD to get this last unit done and out of the way before JB is on holidays, so I didn't have to miss out on all the Christmas and holiday festivities. I've decided next year to take a break from study and concentrate on getting my jewellery and the coffee website businesses going properly. I've had such a busy three years and I need to STOP doing so many things and concentrate on what I need to get some cash flow going. I've also got to learn to put some boundaries onto a couple of my friends. I'm not good at saying 'no', as I've mentioned, and I have a couple of friends who are taking advantage of that atm. This week I was so tired and cranky I almost answered the phone with 'Debbie's babysitting service' before biting my tongue... I am completely happy to babysit and help out a friend when they need it, but when I become the free babysitter while they go out and get paid to work on a very regular basis, with no notice, even on the days my own children are at school and daycare so that I can work, is a bit rough. I'm quite annoyed actually that someone would take advantage of me in that way when they know how much I have on my plate. *sigh* I WILL learn to keep those boundaries... I said 'no, I can't , I have to study' but they pushed me and wouldn't except my no. I must admit this morning I rang and cancelled and said I wasn't feeling well. WHICH I wasn't, because I'd had a cr*p night's sleep worrying about the fact that I needed to study and was having to babysit someone elses baby for the second time in a couple of days. Tired, cranky, in huge need of some personal space. That's not too much to ask, is it? *sigh*

Anyway, after having a champagne today I've decided that I'm going back to the abstaining from alcohol thing... I feel really awful after having alcohol. I need to detox, I'm just feeling yuk. I had a few (literally 3) drinks on Saturday night at a 30th and I felt terrible after that too... I wonder why I do? Maybe it comes down to the whole sensitivity thing that my son (and daughter) seems to have inherited.

Well it looks like I'll be doing the whole food elimination diet with Master M too. We all will, although my hubbie will be able to add the 'normal' things like fruit and tomato sauce etc to his. The fact that Master M was so good tonight even though I hadn't had him on a full elimination diet yet suggests to me that once I've reduced his chemical load from the packaged food for a while he'll probably be able to eat a fairly normal home-cooked diet without any problem. Which is fantastic.

So to end the night, what am I grateful for? I'm grateful to the universe for supplying me with the necessary book on food chemicals previously so that I had already read up on it and had it as a resource for this time, on hand. I'm grateful for several bits of information I have been receiving from various sources lately that come at the precise time with the information I needed just then. I am grateful for seeing my child feel better, calmer and happier. I am grateful for having a husband that supports with this. I am grateful for catching up with an old friend today that I haven't seen in a while. I am grateful for having a gorgeous little daughter who has grown into a delightful little girl. I am grateful for a cool night after a HOT day today. I am grateful for a nice warm bed into which I'm about to curl up.

Good night!