A day of retail fun (?)

The last fifteen minutes while I cleaned my face and my teeth and did all the getting ready for bed type stuff, I was thinking about what I was going to write in here and what was the general theme of my day. To be honest I had another hectic, unenjoyable, rushed/fuzzy kind of a day. It's felt like things are coming to a head, like I may be coming to a new stage of understanding or clarity, but I just can't see or understand just yet.

I spent another day in retail hell with another friend. It seems that the older I get the more I seem to detest shopping. I'm not sure if it's me not liking shopping or if I'm merely reacting to having a little boy who bounces off walls, making it at best rushed and difficult and at the worst - well, like today really, just downright painful. I see the Christmas crowds have arrived, but you know, that wasn't the problem. Master M was bouncing off walls, reacting to the organic corn chips I gave him and taking it out on my friends kids *sigh*. I spent a good deal of time with the large majority of the retail customers staring at me. And funnily enough instead of being embarrassed by that, I was looking back at them, wondering what they were thinking. Funnily enough people, like me, seemed to be in a dulled daze and didn't really seem to have an opinion about this child screaming and yelling, crying and needing to be restrained from hurting people - they just all seemed to be just looking, more because there was a sound there and that was better than looking at, well, nothing. Bizarre. Is everyone so stressed that they're unable to feel the joy of Christmas? Or even feel something? Maybe it was the time of day? Who knows.

I must admit, the hardest part of raising children for me is often keeping them in line so we are accepted by society. People seem to think that kids *should* act in a certain way - be nice and quiet and all that boring stuff, instead of just being. I think maybe that is why I don't like to go to the shops so much, because my babies are hampered there, they can't be themselves. Usually when I go, I let Master M just be and I walk and he runs around me in a 100m radius or so, looking at this and that and following my call as I round a corner, trailing off and in front of me again. That's joyous to me. Hectic but joyous. Stopping for any length of time to actually browse or anything like that is NOT fun, because then little fingers and fine, expensive things for sale come into contact and then expectations come into play and the 'no' word raises its ugly head time and time again. "No, don't touch." I hate that. I hated hearing it as a kid and I hate hearing myself say it even more than I hated it then. Such a horrible hampering saying, even if it IS necessary at times. So, basically I'd just prefer to avoid it all, so that they can have fun. I think that's why I love my bush. There they can run, be free, explore, touch, kick, throw - all those lovely tactile childhood REAL experiences.

Ahh - maybe that's just it. Maybe I need to ground. Maybe we all do. My dear darling children and I are all a bit hyped up atm and all very cranky, tired and not sleeping too well - perhaps we just need a good outing into the bush. Okay, Saturday agenda - DONE!! As well as make muffins, slices and roast some chicken for sandwiches for the new diet so my Dad has something to feed the kids on Sunday when my good friend Mandi and I go to the Hicks-Abraham seminar (OH how excited I am about that!!!).

Oh, how I want a day to just 'be'. The only thing I DON'T like about this time of year is just how little free time I have. I so love my time alone.

It will be here soon enough.

And now, it's time to sleep.

Night all!