Feeling the flow

Hmmm - I need to give my biggest fairy some Reiki today. She is NOT feeling well emotionally. She pulled on her cranky pants yesterday and it was an interesting day. Today started really well, she jumped out of bed and JB and I looked at one another with surprise that she was so perky and happy. It lasted for 75 mins, now we're back to yesterday *sigh*. If only JB wasn't working all day again so he could look after Master M while I did it - oh well, hopefully if I pull out the Thomas train set that may keep him occupied for at least 50 mins... At the moment she is using art as an outlet although it's not the easiest thing with Master M being a typical two year old boy beside her (hammering with the sharpener as we speak).

I am feeling her frustration with him though. I know I just want to yell for some peace and freedom to just 'be' without having to keep stopping him from breaking everything in sight...

Last night I decided I was just going to be without needing to defend myself from him. After he'd hit and kicked me all over and in the head for about two minutes I decided I'd better protect myself. The last time I missed protecting myself he almost ruptured my eyeball with his nail when he tried to scratch my eye out and it took four days of agony to heal it (I had to have a friend look after my kids for me during that time while I was heavily sedated with pain killers to get through it). According to the eye specialist I was probably only about one or two cells off having my eye ruptured - thanks for that universe!!

I often wonder why I have this sort of intensity in my children..? I am intense, but not THAT intense, surely?

Well, maybe I am.

Yeah, I am.

*sigh*

On the plus side, life is NOT boring. No one would ever call my children boring. They do have wonderful expressive personalities. They feel something, they let it all hang out. They know how to let themselves flow. I do my best to let them let themselves flow, but it's not easy when they fight amongst themselves and with me.

They do love each other very deeply and when they get along well they get along REALLY well. Which is SO nice.

Miss J has just made a beautiful rainbow coloured origami frog. Perhaps she is okay. She has certainly picked the most beautiful and balanced colours from her pencil case!!

I guess I just need to allow her to be cranky and moody and feisty and know that is just her and that's okay. It really kicks into my heart chakra to see it though and is very hard to me to deal with. Perhaps I just need to feel it, acknowledge it and let it be. (but when it leads to the kids trying to kill one another??!!!)

Ahh parenting. Certainly MY biggest challenge.