Wild and wooly weather

Well, it's been a full on week in this part of the world. SUCH a long week. A week ago I went and stayed with a friend for the weekend. It was a good weekend, tiring, but good and was ended with what turn out to be one hell of a storm (for some). I got JB to come and pick the kids and I up, and he arrived just as a storm, which he'd had on his tail the whole hour it took to get to my friends house and we quickly loaded the car as the first drops of rain were falling, then raced inside to watch. We didn't even know there was a storm coming, little did I know that storm was going to be the worst storm in over 25 years and end up with a bill of $145Million (and rising) for clean up costs... It was scary - looking out the window we were glad to be inside. Glad we didn't know HOW bad it was. As soon as the rain stopped we headed for home and within a block I verbalised 'should we go back? Should we be driving right now?' The way home was littered with debris, road blocks for flood water, fallen trees and power lines EVERYWHERE, police cars, ambulances, fire trucks, SES, no power (so no street lights) - pretty scary stuff. Our home was safe and sound though and all we really had to show for it was 35mm in the rain guage. As the last week of news has shown us we were blessed that day. Many were not and now Brisbane has been declared a national disaster zone. Full on.

Storms have continued throughout the week. Once again no damage here, though we've lost a good amount of topsoil from the back yard and there was temporary flooding at the bottom of the street (which is normal for this part of the world at this time of the year). It's quiet tonight - looking like we aren't going to get another.

After checking out the flood we walked up the street and my neighbour - new neighbour - called me over. He said he'd noticed that we have rising damp in our house. He said he is a building inspector. He said he'd also noticed that the kids are always coughing and that I am run down and he said that rising damp is a fungal infection that causes poor health and respiratory problems! I'd been wondering why this particular neighbour had moved in - I guess the universe sent him to go and get our house checked and dried out!! We do have major mould/fungal problems here and I'd put it down to living over the road from bush, thinking it was pretty much a given. JB has had a clairvoyant reading in the past that said he was either working or living in an environment with a high fungal spore content and that it was making him sick (he also has issues with fungi - he gets a skin rash all over him, which he got rid of about a year ago with a high dose of antifungals, but it's back again). I'm now wondering if this could be the underlying cause of the health issues I've been having over the past six years... (we've lived here for 11 years). Actually I first got pneumonia in 1999, a year and a half after we moved here. Guess I'd better make some enquiries, heh?

I SO need to renovate and this feels like another shove in that direction. Where is the money though???

Age...

Now I was talking about time on a previous post, mentioning what a very funny thing it is. I was watching tele the other day and saw something from 1991 and I thought 'gee I thought it was longer away than that, that is not that long ago'. Then I worked it out and 1991 was 17 years ago - OMG. OMG! I was stunned that that was so long ago.

Another 'weird' time moment hit me today when I was watching the kids play in the backyard and I suddenly had a sense of how they would see me, as I flashed back to how I saw my mum and my friend's mums when I was a kid. They were 'old'. They were MUMS, not kids like me. But hang on, I'm older now than they were then, or at least the same age. I'm NOT a kid!! But I feel like one. I don't feel any older now than I was then. I'm still a kid. Surely?

I definitely felt universal today. Immortal. Timeless. These last 17 years were just a blur because they were just a blur to my higher self.

An interesting day.

Feeling the flow

Hmmm - I need to give my biggest fairy some Reiki today. She is NOT feeling well emotionally. She pulled on her cranky pants yesterday and it was an interesting day. Today started really well, she jumped out of bed and JB and I looked at one another with surprise that she was so perky and happy. It lasted for 75 mins, now we're back to yesterday *sigh*. If only JB wasn't working all day again so he could look after Master M while I did it - oh well, hopefully if I pull out the Thomas train set that may keep him occupied for at least 50 mins... At the moment she is using art as an outlet although it's not the easiest thing with Master M being a typical two year old boy beside her (hammering with the sharpener as we speak).

I am feeling her frustration with him though. I know I just want to yell for some peace and freedom to just 'be' without having to keep stopping him from breaking everything in sight...

Last night I decided I was just going to be without needing to defend myself from him. After he'd hit and kicked me all over and in the head for about two minutes I decided I'd better protect myself. The last time I missed protecting myself he almost ruptured my eyeball with his nail when he tried to scratch my eye out and it took four days of agony to heal it (I had to have a friend look after my kids for me during that time while I was heavily sedated with pain killers to get through it). According to the eye specialist I was probably only about one or two cells off having my eye ruptured - thanks for that universe!!

I often wonder why I have this sort of intensity in my children..? I am intense, but not THAT intense, surely?

Well, maybe I am.

Yeah, I am.

*sigh*

On the plus side, life is NOT boring. No one would ever call my children boring. They do have wonderful expressive personalities. They feel something, they let it all hang out. They know how to let themselves flow. I do my best to let them let themselves flow, but it's not easy when they fight amongst themselves and with me.

They do love each other very deeply and when they get along well they get along REALLY well. Which is SO nice.

Miss J has just made a beautiful rainbow coloured origami frog. Perhaps she is okay. She has certainly picked the most beautiful and balanced colours from her pencil case!!

I guess I just need to allow her to be cranky and moody and feisty and know that is just her and that's okay. It really kicks into my heart chakra to see it though and is very hard to me to deal with. Perhaps I just need to feel it, acknowledge it and let it be. (but when it leads to the kids trying to kill one another??!!!)

Ahh parenting. Certainly MY biggest challenge.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

This morning I have awoken with a sense of joy.

Why? I don't know, just have. Although af has finally arrived this morning and I am feeling 'unblocked' and freeer (how do you spell free-er?) than I have done for two weeks. WHAT a relief! I don't like it when my body is playing tricks on me. I wonder what it was that held it back??

Anyway, the weather is also breathing a sigh of relief today. Last night it was still over 30 in the house while I was trying to sleep (I had resisted the urge to turn the air con on) and this morning it is drizzly and LOVELY and cool. Oh how I love the cleansing rain. Every bit of my body says 'ahhhhhhh, that's better!'

Hubbie is working all weekend, so it's just the kids and I - I wonder what we'll do? Rain and not being able to drive is a slight issue. Might have to dwell on that and pray to the universe that something will come along...

I went to a beading *show* (kind of - more of a warehouse that sells their wares by travelling around the country) - I bought so many beautiful beads and things, all ready to start making some (hopefully) gorgeous Christmas presents. I've decided I'm going to have a beads 'n' kids get together at my place on Tuesday mornings. I have a couple of friends with kids who love beading and it is so hard to get time to make jewellery when kids are around.... but when they're all having fun and playing around us together, I think it'll work nicely. I can't wait!

Urgh. Just fell off the chair and almost hurt myself then. I have Meniere's dis-ease (inner ear disorder) which causes me to lose my balance and fall over randomly (which is why I can no longer drive). Another interesting unknown disease in my life. Used to be very debilitating, now it's much less severe (no vomiting) and really only affects me by preventing me from driving. I'll talk about it one day here when I'm ready. It's usually something I don't talk about. It freaks other people out, I've had people accuse me of making it up (not anyone who sees me often and has witnessed it) but most importantly because I really don't want to talk about things that I don't want in my life because of the Law of Attraction. I do think though that I will need to talk about that here one day, to get it off my chest. There's quite a lot of pain and hurt tied up in the history of this dis-ease for me. Mostly I just want to know how to move on past it? I KNOW that when it first hit I had shocking life balance. Doing a career that wasn't right for me, working very long hours, no relaxation, always stressed - it's no wonder it hit. I have been working on that for the past six years and I think it's high time it moved on!!!

Although my life is still very chaotic at times... but I AM fulfilled. I love what I do (mostly), I live consciously, I live for the most part in the now (although I am aware that I think too much which does pull me out of present moment awareness a lot - but my awareness on that is growing, and this is partly why I am blogging, so that I can get some of those thoughts out and down so that I can be more present).

Anyway, on that note, I'm off to prepare some gluten-free pancakes for the little fairies of the household.

Have a wonderful day!!

Shaken, not stirred

Some weeks are easy. Others not so.

I've had a hormonal week. Well, it was only three days, but it's taken me the rest of the week to recover so that I can finally get back here to post.

Phew! Hormones. I live for the day when I can finally say I have them balanced. It's been an on-going saga for me, over the past 20 years or so... can I expect it'll ever be any different? I hope so. It CAN'T be normal to have days when for no reason other than you're about to get your 'monthly' cycle that your world suddenly turns upside down, and all of a sudden the sun is turned off and an enormous, dark hole swallows you up, playing horrible screachy music as it does so. Seconds feel like hours. A day feels like lost years, imprisoned, trapped...

And then this month I spotted and nothing came. Why? Who knows. Can't say that's the first time that's happened and it's certainly not for such a joyous reason as new life has been conceived. Nope, just good ol' fashioned hormone imbalance *sigh*.

I have a kinesiology appointment next Tuesday. It'll be interesting to see what that brings.

Anyway, I'm all good now.

During 'the time' my good friend gave me a reading. I'll post it now so I can reassess it now that I'm a bit more aware.

Nope I can't post it as it won't accept the HTML and seeing as I haven't as yet learned how to use the stuff you'll just have to miss that part of my post. Anyway, it was a very good reading.

I have certainly been seeing life from all dimensions this week. High highs. Low lows. All good (in hindsight). Always changing.

One thing I've been facing lately has been the issue of trust. Trusting myself. Trusting others (have I mentioned that already?). I usually feel confident that what I see and feel is what is going on. I'm not so trusting of that at the moment. I've had to let some things go into the 'don't know' basket. Also letting pain and emotions go that I've picked up from others. I've been incredibly sensitive on and off this week. Feeling others pain for hours afterward, even after only a fleeting glimpse of it. I had three different instances today where I held on to the tension of others, even though I was fully aware of doing so. I acknowledged that it wasn't mine, yet here it still stayed. I need to learn how to 'let go' fully. Especially if I'm going to be able to doing counselling for any length of time. I can't be holding onto what isn't mine. What to do?

What else has occured in this crazy week?

My kids have been interesting (little mirrors).

My husband and I went on a date. Wonderful, gorgeous night. Fine food. Gorgeous environment. A blessed day.

I had a dream that I was a lesbian. Interesting one. I was quite amused in the morning by just how much I enjoyed it ;-) Dreaming you are a lesbian when you aren't one in the outside world symbolises a union with a previously lost part of yourself. A symbol of self-love, self-acceptance and passion. Showing comfort with sexuality and femininity.

I was pretty happy with that. Interesting that it was followed by my cycle stopping before it had had a chance to really start. I wonder if there was a link between the dream and my cycle?

Crazy thoughts, crazy dreams.

I think I need to meditate again. I've lost my nightly habit and I'm starting to feel disjointed. Edgy. Not quite *myself*.

And the most important thing to me is finding my true self so that I can fully be me.