Bringing in the sunshine and all things yellow...

I have been feeling pretty blue of late. I have done a bit of meditating and journalling, trying to find out why. I still have poor health and I want to be well.

Almost all of my health problems can be stemmed from a poorly functioning liver. The solar plexus. Every naturopath, TCM practisioner, kinesiologist, doctor I've been to has said something about my liver not functioning very well. My liver enzymes were raised after both of my pregnancies. My acupuncturist said to me that it has something to do with my Dad, and that there is something within my liver that I need to deal with - it's all black and angry.

I've meditated, I've fasted, I've had so many different therapies... nothing seems to 'fix' it... If anything it's just getting worse, with new symptoms appearing.

So in again I went the other day. This time I got a strong sense of the pain I was feeling in my liver region. I entered this pain and felt sad, ashamed and angry at myself for failing to live up to my own expectations - those expectations that I developed from my Father's overly high expectations.

I worked for years toward an occupation and was successful. Everyone was so proud, including myself. Then working in the occupation it proved to be highly stressful and not at all a balanced career for me. After years of fighting, trying to be happy with the choice I made, I realised I couldn't and left the profession. Even thinking of that now I get a strong pain in the liver region. The stress of that decision... I went back after four years and did a days work again and boy! did the universe throw me one heck of a day that day. Definitely wasn't a good idea, but I was glad they let me know so strongly.

Since then I've flitted and floated and not really achieved much. I have, however, been studying counselling and am due to finish that now. I've just got two pracs to go and I'm done.

I've realised that my personal power is low. I've been 'supported' by my husband for the past six years and it's killing me because my feeling of self support, self power is low. It hurts that I am almost 34 and as poor as a church mouse. I know logically that there's no problem with that - SO many people are that way, it's nothing unusual - but this is ME! Those overly high expectations are still there and you know what? They're never going to be happy with this level.

So, I have decided it's some time for action.

Today, I picked myself up and started moving forward again. I rang and asked about booking my prac exam. I've asked for the info on it to be sent to me.

I've written some goals for the next few months. I've bought and started taking some liver herbs again (I do do a lot better when taking them) to support my liver through this time. I have made myself an amber necklace to support my liver and solar plexus chakra. I have been giving myself Reiki. I have booked my level II Reiki. I have been drinking more water. I am going to ring a dietician to determine the ultimate diet to support my body through this.

By taking charge of my personal power by doing things for myself, challenging myself and taking steps to again make myself feel proud of me, hopefully I'll get on top of my liver issues and I'll once again be healthy.