Emptying the trash

I really have been up and down all over the place lately.

Saturday the kids and I took off (in the rain) to explore the city via buses. We had a great day - saw the museum, art gallery, south bank... we picnicked, explored the markets. It was such a lovely day.

Then yesterday - yikes. I guess I wore the kids out the day before, so they (especially Miss J) were cranky, teary... Lots of bad behaviour.

In the arvo JB and I gave up and went and hired a movie to lift our spirits - the peaceful warrior. Lift my spirits it did, so I took off with the dog for a lovely walk through the bush. I walked to the top of the Quarry, looking at the beautiful vista, enjoying the lovely sky show that was being put on by the setting sun. It was a lovely walk.

I ended up going to bed too late for me and then JB kept me awake for a further hour banging about the kitchen. *sigh*.

So, today, I'm aching all over, heavy, heavy, heavy and the egg on my head where Master M threw and successfully landed a water pistol just before bed last night is throbbing.

Contrast I get, but why so rapidly changing?

I did have some moments of clarity yesterday which were great. I felt if I can keep my spirits up, lifting them with things like a daily bushwalk, then I will be able to clear my head of this horrible fog and stop the vertigo attacks. I also need to 'empty the trash' like it said in the peaceful warrior. I need to forget the past, let it go and live in the moment, as this is the only moment there is.

I do live too much in the past, I do have a head that is swimming with thoughts. With more meditation and consciously living in the now I believe I can become clearer.

That's my new goal.

Live for now.